In this blog, I will pull three quotes from three authors (Don Murray, Mary Karr, and Anne Lamott), and use those quotes to form a round table discussion between the three authors about the writing process.
There I was, in a Texaco gas station in 1977, in the lone star state of Texas. As I waited for the mechanic to finish mending the front axle of my orange and midnight black '58 Ford Fairlane sedan, I decided to do some writing. I was but an aspiring writer at that time, hoping to make it into the big leagues but so far I'd been denied. But as I sat there, I was surprised to see the late Anne Lamott approaching me. "Mrs. Lamott" I said, "I'm a big fan of yours". Ole Anne grinned from ear to ear, and said "I couldn't help but notice you were bent over just now, staring rather intently at something. I hope you won't mind my asking just what exactly were you up to?" she said. "Ah, well, I'm an aspiring writer, Mrs. Lamott" I replied. "Please, call me Anne. And allow me to give you some advice, young man" Anne told me. "Ok" I nodded. "Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way". "And I wish you good luck, young man, on your future endeavors" Anne went on. "Thank you very much, Anne Lamott. That was beautiful" I told her. Just then, the mechanic's daughter, one young Mary Karr, comes out of the gas station's garage. "I'm afraid that your Fairlane won't be ready until tomorrow morning, or at very least midnight" she says. "Are you kidding me?! I have to be in Florida for a family reunion at high noon tomorrow!" I exclaim. "Well, I suppose you could sit around in the back of the shop and sit up until your car's ready" Mary says, then she walks back over to my car. "You know, Anne, if you're not terribly busy, or have somewhere else to be, would you like to sit up waiting for my car with me?" I ask gently. "Why, of course, young man!" Anne says. Later on, Mary Kerr, the mechanic's daughter, joins Anne and I waiting for the car. "Well, Ms. Kerr-" I begin, but Mary politely cuts me off. "Please, call me Mary" she says. "Ok, Mary, I know giving advice to young writers might not exactly be your forte, but if you did have to give some advice to a young, aspiring writer, what would it be?" I ask her. "Well" Mary says, "Every writer I know who's worth a damn spends way more time "losing" than "winning"-if success means typing a polished page that lands in print as is" Mary tells me. "Oh, by the way" Mary adds, "writing is painful-its "fun" only for novices, the very young, hacks". "Thank you very much, Mary. I'll be sure to take that under advisement" I comment. "And there's just one more thing" Mary adds. "Reading through history cultivates in a writer a standard of quality higher than the marketplace" she concludes. Just then, Mary's overbearing father calls her out to the garage to help him put a part back on my car. In her absence, I ask Anne if she has any more good advice. "Well, when you're writing a chapter, or a paragraph, you don't have to see where you;re going, you don't have to see your destination, or everything you will pass along the way" Anne told me. "That's brilliant" I nodded. "And there's one last thing" Anne continues. "Also in relation to writing a certain paragraph or chapter, you must focus on that and just that only, and forget about the big picture for a moment, so your mind doesn't become cluttered. All I am going to do right now, for example, is write that one paragraph that sets the story in my hometown, in the late fifties, when the trains were still running" Anne said. "You've really given me some great advice, Anne. I'll be sure to take it all under advisement" I said. Not too long after that conversation ended, Anne Lamott left to go home. She wished me good luck on my hopes and dreams to become a famous writer, and I heartily thanked her for her advice. But about an hour after Anne left, I got bored and tired of waiting, so I wandered down the block to a little bar called Moe's. I had just barely taken a seat at the bar and ordered a tall, ice cold, refreshing glass of Coca Cola when a real celebrity walked in. I should've known the way all the regular bar patrons yelled out "Dom!" that it was Don Murray. I didn't figure it out right anyway, though, because I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Anyway, I'm way down at the other end of the bar, where's there a bunch of open seats, and where do you think he takes a seat? That's right, right next to me! I tried to control my excitement as I asked the opinion of yet another wonderful writer for advice. "Hi, Mr, Murray, it's wonderful to meet you. My name's Matt McShane, and I'm a big fan of your work, and I was just wondering if you had any advice for a young writer looking to get into the wonderful world that is creative writing" I said. Don took a sip from his tall glass of Bud light while thinking of how to form an answer. "Well, first, my dear boy, you should learn to teach writing as a process, not a product" Don told me. "I'll keep that in mind, Mr. Murray" I said. "And another thing, please call me Don" Murray went on. "Anyway, conscientious, doggedly responsible, repetitive autopsying doesn’t give birth to live writing" Murray went on. "Oh, that's beautiful, sir" I commented as I made a little note in my notebook. "And there's just one other thing. Writing is a demanding, intellectual process" Murray concluded. "Well, thank you, Mr, Murray, that's brilliant" I said. "Don't mention it, my boy. If you employ all three of those tactics in your writing, then you'll really make it" Murray concluded. So, what did I learn from all this? Well, for one thing, in relation to my lemon of a Fairlane, life's a beach, and then you learn to drive. Also, just because some old writer thinks he knows more about the writing process than your high school teacher doesn't mean that he's wrong in any way. The act of writing is a carefully formed process, not a cashcow for money. And don't anyone ever tell you any different. Sincerely, Matt McShane
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in this blog post, I provide answers to the Proust Questionnaire.
__1.__What is your idea of perfect happiness? __2.__What is your greatest fear? __3.__What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? __4.__What is the trait you most deplore in others? __5.__Which living person do you most admire? __6.__What is your greatest extravagance? __7.__What is your current state of mind? __8.__What do you consider the most overrated virtue? __9.__On what occasion do you lie? __10.__What do you most dislike about your appearance? __11.__Which living person do you most despise? __12.__What is the quality you most like in a man? __13.__What is the quality you most like in a woman? __14.__Which words or phrases do you most overuse? __15.__What or who is the greatest love of your life? __16.__When and where were you happiest? __17.__Which talent would you most like to have? __18.__If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? __19.__What do you consider your greatest achievement? __20.__If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? __21.__Where would you most like to live? __22.__What is your most treasured possession? __23.__What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? __24.__What is your favorite occupation? __25.__What is your most marked characteristic? __26.__What do you most value in your friends? __27.__Who are your favorite writers? __28.__Who is your hero of fiction? __29.__Which historical figure do you most identify with? __30.__Who are your heroes in real life? __31.__What are your favorite names? __32.__What is it that you most dislike? __33.__What is your greatest regret? __34.__How would you like to die? __35.__What is your motto? The primary focus of this blog post is to formally introduce myself, thanks to the Proust Questionnaire https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2000/01/proust-questionnaire/amp The Proust Questionnaire is the most perfect way to introduce yourself to others. Its a great way to break the ice with people and explain who you really are without being awkward. I will say though, that there is one interesting thing about me that the Proust Questionnaire doesn't mention. I happen to be a very big fan of Stanley Kramer's famous 1963 comedy film, "Its a Mad Mad Mad Mad World", which I will fully explain later on in a future blog post. Anyway, let's get on with it. My idea of perfect happiness is being a famous author, happily married to the girl of my dreams, living in a two story house with two little kittens. My greatest fear, of course, is dying alone, but isn't that everyone's greatest fear? My leading character trait which I deplore by far the most is my constant spicy use of curse words. On the other hand, the trait I deplore the most in others is doing drugs. Out of all the leftists, right wingers, and middle-of-the-road actors and actresses in Hollywood today, the one I admire the most is Gene Hackman. Gene had a legendary career which spanned five decades, and, while he may not be acting in movies anymore, he's become a famous author. My greatest extravagance would have to be that one time I ran up a bill of one thousand, two hundred dollars on my parent's credit card. My current state of mind is happiness, because I'm going to a friend's wedding this weekend. Honesty is overrated. I think we over rate the virtue of honesty, confusing it with the truth. While the truth will set us free, honesty can be destructive. So what is the difference? Personal experience teaches us. I only lie to my parents on certain occasions where its a little white lie and I won't hurt anyone by not exactly telling the truth. the thing I dislike most about my appearance is my godforsaken zits, which I'm working hard, trying to get rid of. I despise the Democrats of this country because most of them are some of the most greedy, low down, dirty, sneaky, people, who, if they're not crooks, is only because they don't have the ambition even to become to a crook. The quality I like most in a woman is honesty. It's good to have a somewhat transparent relationship, so you're not sneaking around behind the back of your significant other. I was truly happy about eight years ago, when I was in elementary school and I would hang out with my little cousin Kate on every snow day. You see, there's this big hill right across the street from my house, and we would always meet up there. Well, one particular Monday when I was in second grade, Kate and I sledded down that hill all day long, until it got dark out. I should also mention that that particular Monday was the only day Kate had off from school. She was going back to school the next day, while I had off all week. So, with that fun time now in the past, what's a kid supposed to do? Well, it might seem a bit strange, but I curled up on the old beige couch in the family room with a box of Kleenex tissues and an Acme shopping bag. And for the next two hours, I bawled my friggin' eyes out. To this day, I still don't entirely know why I broke down in tears. But part of it is that I love Kate like a little sister, and that I cherish the little time we get to spend together. Nowadays, we barely have time for each other as it is, because I'm in college, and she's in ninth grade, constantly hanging out with her friends and participating in sports after school. Anyway, if I could have one talent, it would probably involve me being a best selling author in some way. If I could change just one thing about myself, my social anxiety would win that contest, for sure. As of right now, I consider graduating high school my greatest achievement. If I were to die and be reincarnated, I would come back as Sid Caesar and teach Seth Rogen what the definition of comedy really is. I would most like to live in Ocean City, New Jersey. My most treasured possession is my computer, which I use a lot of the time for homework and a bunch of projects. I regard denial as the lowest depth of misery. My most marked characteristic would be that I'm actually a really funny guy, if you get to know me. I value respect in my friends the most. I had some issues in the past with a "friend" of mine that really didn't respect me. His mood could change in the blink of an eye. One second he's telling you how cool your new backpack is, and the next he's calling you dirt poor. And he does that just because his dad started his own construction company, and he's always bragging about his dad driving Mercedes cars all the time. Pardon my dirty, dirty mouth for one second, but who gives a shit? That being said, my favorite writers are Bram Stoker, Michael Crichton, and Gene Hackman. In addition, my hero of fiction is Alex Cross, from the James Patterson novel series "Alex Cross". My dad is my hero in real life. He might not have been a fireman, police officer, or soldier in his past, but he was a very courageous lifeguard in Ocean City. And he once saved a fifty year old man from drowning in a rip current, as well as four men in their mid twenties that tried to save him, but got taken out as well. The thing that I dislike the most is being thrown into awkward, forced situations without either my ok or some fair warning. Finally, my motto is "You do whatever you're gonna do, and I'm gonna do whatever I'm going to do". Best wishes, Matt McShane |
Matt McShane
I will use this work to explore the written word. Archives
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